Welcoming Denial: Insights from Half a Century of Writing Experience

Experiencing rejection, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, giving a firm “No.” Working in writing, I am familiar with rejection. I began submitting story ideas half a century past, right after college graduation. Since then, I have had multiple books rejected, along with book ideas and numerous pieces. In the last two decades, concentrating on op-eds, the denials have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I face a setback every few days—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, denials in my profession exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a PhD in rejection.

However, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Absolutely not. As, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

How Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and others has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

For example: lately, an editor rejected 20 submissions consecutively before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, at least 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before one gave the green light. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a project. A particular editor suggested that I submit articles less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Rejection

When I was younger, each denial stung. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would go through the phases of denial:

• Initially, surprise. What went wrong? How could they be ignore my skill?
• Second, denial. Maybe it’s the mistake? This must be an administrative error.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who appointed you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and your publication is subpar. I reject your rejection.
• Fourth, frustration at them, followed by frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a martyr?
• Subsequently, pleading (often accompanied by optimism). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, sadness. I’m no good. Additionally, I’ll never be any good.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Of course, I was in good company. Stories of authors whose work was at first turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his school team. Most American leaders over the recent history had been defeated in elections. Sylvester Stallone claims that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were turned down repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, not backing down,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I achieved the last step of rejection. Peace. Now, I better understand the various causes why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a similar piece, or have one in progress, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the editor believes I am not qualified or stature to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the field for the content I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my work too fast to appreciate its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and resonance, or the message I am trying to express is not compelling enough. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my grammar, especially commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, despite all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at 65—and over 1,000 articles. My writings have been published in magazines major and minor, in diverse outlets. My debut commentary was published when I was 26—and I have now submitted to various outlets for half a century.

Yet, no bestsellers, no signings publicly, no features on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more easily take rejection at 73, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have eased the blows of my setbacks. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I learned?

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